Life is Short – Chat Fast!
Time is precious, waste it wisely.
I need Six months of vacation, Twice a year.
Marriage is a "workshop", Where husband 'works' and wife 'shops'.
After Tuesday, even the calender says "W T F".
2 Things can change a women's mood- 1) I love you 2) 50% Discount.
SARCASM: Just one of the many services i offer.
Cleaning is just putting stuff in less obvious places.
I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
Politeness has become so rare that some people mistake it for flirtation.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won’t be able to see.
Of course I’m not perfect; there’s a crack in my ass!
Love the neighbor. But don’t get caught.
Love is like a fart, If you have to force it, It's probably a crap.
I have 2-3 real friends, the rest are just people i socialize with.
Etc. – End of Thinking Capacity.
We live in the era of smart phones and stupid people.
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday.
A good friend will help you move, a best friend will help you move a dead body.
Trying to understand you is like trying to smell the color 9.
“I am sorry for those that disagree with me because I know that they are wrong.”
I stay up late every night and realize it’s a bad idea every morning.
The two best times to keep your mouth shut are when you’re swimming and when you’re angry.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
I'm not in a bad mood, Everyone is just annoying.
I don't know what makes you so dumb, But it really works.
If you resolve to give up drinking, You don't actually live longer, It's just seems longer.
There's always that one person, who takes a few minutes to get the joke.
AwesoME ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
You are as useless as the 'AY' in 'Okay'.
Beauty is in the eye of the credit card holder.
I don't lie, I speak Fiction.
If i agreed with you, We'd both be wrong.
Trust in God, But lock your car.
Marriage is a 3 Ring Circus- 1. Engagement Ring, 2. Wedding Ring, 3. Suffering.
So i heard you're a player, Well nice to meet you. I'm the coach.
I'm not single, I'm just romantically challenged.
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